Right now…

So I got asked out for a movie…oh I’m just trying to make it sound exciting…but alas it cannot be looked at for anything else than it is…I did get asked out for a movie… by my granny…that part I like but its not as simple…I got asked out by her entire group of friends…oh my god…to spend an afternoon with dadi multiplied by 10!!! Oh how did I get myself into this situation…

Well, that’s what I went in thinking…but at the end of it, I was so glad…
Dadi and I share a strange relationship…I know we love each other but just can’t express it enough…I always felt dadi is very judgmental of me…and when I was little I really tried to please her but found it was wasted…she never noticed how much I needed her approval…and hence I’ve kept a certain distance to avoid being hurt…and that’s big for me cos if I care, I can’t stay away too long…its very rare that I’m so so hurt that I avoid the person…but that’s the way it is with her and i…
So when she asked me out for the movie, I was thrilled…I even dressed decently and in a manner befitting her grandchild…through the movie, she held my hand and even stroked my cheek a couple of times and looked after me like i was a 5 year old...it felt nice to be grandmothered...it had been so long…
i got back home and gave her a big hug…and told her I loved her…

and I got frightened…she’s so fragile…I realise that now…she not as young as she used to be and all these memories came flooding back…I’ve learnt so much from her…all the sewing…knitting…crochet…batik…and a lot of what I’m good at, I get from her…our shared fear of hospitals and blood and our low threshold of pain!…we share that…I’m so much like her…and I fear I’m not spending enough time…and not telling her how I feel…I still have almost a week left in delhi…I am gonna find a way for us to do more…even if it means just sitting together doing our own thing…but together…

I never ever wanna look back and regret not telling people I love them…its such a simple thing to do right now…but even tomoro may be too late…and then even that simple thing becomes impossible…
We let so many things get in the way…we find so many reasons to avoid how good it feels to say you love someone…it in no way takes away from us…it’s just saying how you feel…and sometimes its better not to think…just go with the moment…go with the flow…
cos right now is all we can be sure off…right now is right now…