More Shyam…

That face….still haunts me…all day yesterday all I thought was about him…and I can’t put my finger on how I feel…trying to analyze it…

Am I disturbed?
Am I disturbed by him?
Am I disturbed by my inability to act?
Am I just disturbed that I’m disturbed?!
Am I reading too much into this?
Am I going through some crazy heightened state of emotions?
Is this how I’m always gonna be?
Is this a crazy list of questions?
Am I going crazy?

Oh I don’t know…it was just one of those things that happen in your life that you will never forget…but they’ve never happened before…and this one is a toughie to beat…
Gosh that face….that crazy panic I felt when I’d lost him…that mad rush to put down how I felt there and then in the auto…just crazy…K telling me that he thought I was stoned! Me actually wondering if I was!…Surprising myself with the quiver and tears as I read it out…

I got up many times that night…and wondered if I’d dreamt it all up…no no I’m not going mad…then I wondered if i had been in the train but just imagined him…no no he was there…oh…i don’t know…can’t understand why I am the way I am…

Yuv said it best…just be…use this confusion and energy creatively…many more sketches happening…finding new ways of looking at the same old stuff…looking forward to my evenings…never know what’s gonna happen…
Shyam will always stay with me…some things are better left unexplained…this is one of those many…