Jasmine…

I have always felt that jasmine has an incredible effect on me…it goes back to fond childhood memories of ma’s bedroom window and the strong whiff of jasmine from her garden…there was something magical about that feeling then and it still lingers in my memories…always wanted to be just like ma…my earliest image of her is with flowers in her hair…carefree...laughing...
I’m drawn to the heady fragrance and the pure looks of the flower…every other day I treat myself to a gajra on my way back home…love the way its presence fills the air of my home…I could lose myself in that feeling…lying near my pillow, it gives even my most difficult dreams a softer touch…
Looking at the gajra last night, I felt a deep sadness for the way the flowers were strung together…so potent, yet so submissive…the white beads broken by the sharp of the green stocks and the flamboyant orange…in them I saw a sense of sacrifice mixed with a greater sense of triumph..
I feel strongly about this flower and words can’t seem to come out right to explain that…I sketched them out and somehow that made me connect further…I felt its every line, every curve, every little shadow…felt its movement even in the stillness…its smell going in deep…its ability to just be…and in that being, make another feel the way I was…
I think what made this particular gajra even more special, is the little girl who sold it to me…gorgeous eyes and captivating smile…as spellbinding as the flowers she was selling…she looked at me…and we both smiled at the same instant without waiting for an invitation…and then I laughed at our spontaneity…nice feeling that was…I know where she sits now…can treat myself every other day…to the flowers and her smile…
Oh…how do I do this so consistently…successfully…despairingly…??? I go and get myself attached to everything in a manner which can only harm me…I know I’ll be distressed when I don’t see her and will keep looking out for her…
I’m just like that…the links to people will always stay…can fool the world but cannot fool myself…
Each person I love…each moment I’ve lived is strung together like these flowers…making a powerful…heady…lingering mix…that’s what my life feels like…can’t unstring that…can’t take one out without falling apart…