Emergencies... of the mind...

Ever believed in destiny? Believed that somethings are simply meant to happen… she reached home late at night, having spent an entire evening amidst illness and pain…she felt herself all cold and nauseous… miserable at all that she had witnessed at the hospital… she slept terribly… nightmares making her a wreck…
And then the next morning even though she wanted to go check on S at the hospital, she knew she still felt shaky from the last trip there… she tried calling instead to make some excuse… but the phone just ran with no response… the panic began to rise again… she decided she simply had to go… there are times in your life that you simply have to do what you have to do… follow your heart even though you physically may not have the strength…
She bought toothpaste, biscuits, juice and a whole lot of stuff, carried a salwar kameez for
S… suddenly feeling happy about her decision to go…
Walking into the hospital, she looked straight ahead… telling herself not to look around… there was nothing she could do for them… she felt her cheek begin to go cold and she walked even faster… she had to do this… please don’t faint… she reached the ward… and went straight to S’s bed… to find someone else lying there… she asked the nurse in charge and was told to look around… she walked through the ward and its over 50 beds… holding on to all the little packages in her hand… feeling the slight tremble of her hands… the unsteadiness of her feet and the frantic sweeps her eyes were making… S was nowhere around… did she get worse over the night… did they shift her for closer monitoring… no please no…
The nurse remained indifferent to her state of panic and directed her to another ward and then the emergency room… she walked… spent completely… unable to control herself and unable to think straight… she found S’s doctor only to be told that she discharged herself early that morning…
She made it to the cab somehow.. her steps and her feelings blank… only once she was in the cab that she let it out… the tears rolled out so fast… the relief… the faces that she’s seen came back now…
She did not want to see how she looked walking through the wards…she did not want to remember what she was thinking…

And through this experience, the only thing that she wants to retain is the sense of relief… this sense that those she loved were safe… that she was helpless to help them but she had a will that was stronger than she gave it credit for… this sense that no matter what, she would go on… this sense that no matter what, she would take those she loved with her… for as long as she could… at any cost…