cloaked in a sky full of stars...

Saw the stars in the sky last night… away from bombay and my life… away from all the clouds of judgement… there was clarity… along with a lot of wine swishing inside me : ) the one candle burning between us… the songs we wanted to sing but hid within… the chatter and laughter coming so easy… I stared up… singing to myself… clinging onto me… protecting myself from all that I could and couldn’t see among the stars… scared of what they held… wondering if there was one that determined my path and would lead me to safety…
Wondered again who else was looking at the same sky and wondering the same… united in our uncertainty and belief… blinded by tears that I hid behind bad singing… resting my head on a shoulder… its nice sometimes to wonder about things that you have no control over… this sense that I can drive myself crazy but the stars won’t speak.. and as I stared harder, they grew clearer… and I did not want to shut my eyes.. did not want this sight to leave me…
A special night with special people… just plain genuine friendship… just plain human… was this how it was long long ago… sitting around a fire… staring at the sky after a hard day… exhausted but just so alive to the moment and those in that moment… just us… being us…
Another moment gets etched into my memory… thank you : )

rains 2...

ever felt like forgetting everything and simply letting the wind take you where it wishes...
every walked with a spring in your step... swaying unsteadily... humming uncontrollabl...
unaware... and unknown to everything around you...
just a wonderful chemistry between your feet and the ground... the rest just does not matter...
a dark cloud in the sky... a hint of approaching rain... goes straight to my head...
makes me say and do things i should not!

but thats the rain...

rains...

makes me feel so ready for the rains... hmmm to feel yourself drenched from head to toe... to hang on to your sanity and umbrella like this little snail... oh i love it...
i love the rainy nights... love to feel the rain on me... : ) i can smell it in the air...

Funny how sometimes things between friends change and you just never catch on to it… it happens out of the blue and pretty drastically and you seem to be the last to know even though there is no one else involved in it… hate that feeling that I just did not see it coming and wondering how I could have prevented it… bugs me to no end…

I miss you my dear... all the emails… all the care and concern… so what if we don’t email… so what if we’re not updated on each of our smallest emotions… you were there for me when I thought I had no one… and i'm so much stronger today cos of your support... you heard me out… encouraged and loved me… stood by my every decision… and now I don’t know how to fix it… and I’m miserable… I don’t know how to tell you this… you seem so far away….

packing up...

Just finished packing my life as I knew it in neat boxes… sealed and labeled… destination marked… fragile tag attached… waiting now just to be taken away…
Waiting now to be re-opened by eyes that look at me with wonder… waiting to see the smile and feel me smile back… to be pieced again…

And I can’t help think about what happens if pieces go missing… will there be gaps that no one will know about… sometimes I almost wish I could lose that one box… to feel like you’re walking in with no excess baggage.. just the bare minimum to piece yourself together…

The sky today is a basic photoshop job… clearly God got up early this morning not feeling very inspired… and inspite of all the great morning skies that he’s posted on his great blog, this one he did in a rush… this one is a simple eye dropper pick and paint bucket job… even no gradients… no light effects… no lens used… just a flat plain blue and a few clouds super imposed… they don’t even look like they belong…
Hmmm… he knows his gullible blog followers will find no wrong…

Someone stole my mp3 player….

It hurts like mad… hurts cos its obviously someone I know… hurts even more cos its all my songs… that mp3 player has meant the world to me for so long… its been with me on long walks… its been there every Sunday… its been my work companion… and I’m just really hurt…

Sure I’ll get over it… I’ll buy a fancy upgraded better looking version…. But I still want that one back… I love the way it use to look… the way it hung… the way it knew when to play my song… and then to keep playing… all those soul particles (remember what you said about it, sameer) all the different memories it holds with the different people that I shared my music with…
It was so flawed in so many ways and I loved it even more because of that… I don’t want a perfect ipod... one that has no individuality…
And to think that its value is unknown to the person who stole it…. To think that it will be sold off for a few hundreds… that really bothers me… and I’d buy it right back from that person for much much more… if I could just have it back…
i've had a miserable time these last few days and i don't feel like playing any other music...
How do you go back years to remember every song that moved you?
how do you bring that memories that a song evoked…. If you’ve lost the song?

I should have backed it up… I should have made a list of all the songs… I should have never let it get stolen… but its just too late…
Sometimes its really just too late….