of combs and other little feelings...

Its funny how little objects in your life can hold together so many important details…misplaced my comb fifteen days ago…my comb of three years…and I have been grumpity every morning…
Its been a comb that seen me through a lot…and I just feel sad that it has gone…another thing that holds me close to people and moments that I loved is gone… remembered all the places I had taken it…remembered all the different people that had used it…strange how we attach emotions to people and things incapable of understanding them… I looked everywhere for it… missed many a train…left my hair tangled many a morning…my way of mourning…and then I felt I was ready to go look for another one…ready to try something new… to let go of attachments if only to build new ones… but my feet unconsciously took me back to the same old shop in juhu where I had bought my pretty ivory coloured comb with the red and green flowers… I made the man open up all his old boxes…my fingers rummaging feverishly only for the one I had lost… I gave up…and picked up an aqua blue transparent comb…a new comb… worried whether it would be kind to my hair…unsure…wishing I could just find my old one…I’ll look after it and never let it get lost again…walked away a little sad…

Its so weird…and I’ve been laughed at for this…and ridiculed and been told I just have to let go of things… I guess I do let go but only after a struggle…and I don’t want to pretend like things don’t affect me… I’d rather just show that I’m angry or unhappy or thrilled… it takes too much energy to pretend and hide…but I guess that moment does come when you look back and realize that it no longer affects you…you will always love it and remember the good times…but you are no longer prisoner to its memories…you are open to the new…more aware…more alive…because you had it even to lose it…
and then there will be other combs…that I will learn to give into and love just as much and maybe even more…