frames....

so i've had these beautiful wooden picture frames for a few years... rich dark brown with reall nice carved work on it... so i went a little nuts this afternoon!!
i painted them in bright colours!!! not sure how M is gonna react when he comes back after a week to find his living room's main wall full of all these crazy frames...
i'll let him pick the pictures!! heheheheh

...even more birds!... i had no idea i loved them this much

upset...

Just been so upset by all that’s been happening... not sure what to make of it... at times i find myself distant and able to let it bounce off me and then there are times i feel i could simply start crying...

I’ve been glued to the news... staying up till 5 each morning... waking up with the tele turned on and allowing myself naps only when i feel it’s safe to do so... in some way, i felt my staying up was critical to the operation... i needed to feel like i was doing my bit... but just staying up and sticking it out with all those involved... how lame...

I picked up the paper this morning... felt i had seen it all and really there was nothing more that could make me react... but it did...

To me, words seem to have a greater impact than images... strange... i thought my sense of sight was so strong... but images don’t leave that much to the imagination as words so... seeing the words upset me far more...

- why do we use words like ‘mop up’ – they conjure up the images that i guess they are supposed to...

- why do we get into the details of describing the condition of the people who’ve died... it seems so disrespectful...

- It’s always bothered me how a person is a person with a name one second and death turns that person into a body... why can’t we still refer to them as people and not bodies...

There were so many images in the newspaper today that really upset me... why do we need to photograph those grieving... how upsetting it must be for someone to see their grief make front page images...

In this race to outdo the other newspapers, the other channels, each has gone many a step beyond what is acceptable... we seem to want to sell everything... need to compete about everything... turn emotions into news...

It really upsets me... and yet it’s not about me, is it? But it sure feels like it...

....give peace a chance...

Birds....

I have been thinking a lot about birds for a while now... did not realise it but i am fascinated by them... if you come into my home, you will find them everywhere.... wooden birds, metal birds, wax birds, mirror work birds, birds that are toys, bird sharpeners, bird pencils, birds in my paintings, birds in my bathroom, even birds on a duppatta!! – a lot of birds that don’t jump out from the rest of my little things but who are always there and in some way must symbolise something to me.
I tried to think about why i’m taken in by them and here are some possible answers....

- The mystery – i love enigma and in some ways they represent that. I’m unable to fully grasp what their life could be like or how they think and what they do.
- The fact that i can’t simply reach out and touch them, fascinates me. I guess that’s linked to the first point.
- Their colours – i’m mesmerized by the textures. I’ve observed Crow Crow for long stretches of time and not a single one his black feathers is the same shade of black. Pigeon necks – magical in so many ways. And these are the more regular birds.
- Their movements – i’ve seen two eagles soar from great heights and gently spiral down and i’ve been thrilled to see that dance from my balcony – there’s a grace there that is unique. I especially love how sparrows hop.
- The fact that the sky is their home. Not sure i can articulate this clearly but they’re so above everything else. It’s a mind thing. They live in a place that’s uncluttered in thought and through that have the ability to rise above all that i’m caught up in.
- Their lightness. Thing more than actual weight, its the feeling i get when i see birds in flight. This sense of airiness... not really freedom... but the sense that my feelings alone can make me fly.

Not sure i quite have understood what this means and really there is no reason to think so much either. I like birds and i’ll continue to collect them and bring them into the different corners of my life.

Meet my friends...

So it’s real interesting but i’ve made a lot of non human friends lately... let me introduce you to them and their lives... or rather my perspective to their lives...

Met Waggy (aka wag, waggit, waggitu, waggin)- the doggie who lives in our building compound...

Many names but its really one thing about her that we (M and i) love – her wagginess.

We met her 2 years ago when we used to go early morning for our walks. She has the ability to make you feel special and wanted. She looked forward to seeing us and soon we looked forward to seeing her.

She’s had a rough couple of years and many times, i’ve felt that i’ve lived through them with her. When we met her, she had not a care in the world. Her friendly temperament brought her food from everyone. We were the only ones who felt we need to not make her dependent on us and gave her lot of attention and time. She met some stupid dog who got her pregnant and vanished. She had a litter of 7 pups in May, to M and my astonishment and horror. She really was not ready to be a mum but we ensured that we supported her. Milk and roti was taken down every day, twice a day for her and we watched her struggle with her babies.

M told me not to get attached but that’s a hard thing for me to do. I had named each of them, knew their silly characteristics and we were both getting more and more attached. Till one by one, we lost each of the babies and everytime, we cried, got angry and moved on. Her last two puppies were the most endearing. Blackie wag and little wag. Their surname was wag as they were just as silly as their mum – and by that M was referring to both Waggy and me!!

Blackie was adorable. Cutest little thing, he was the runt of the litter and i developed an instant connect with him. Little wag was a copy of his mom and was a bully. We lost them both.

Waggy went away for a month and i really did not want to / was not ready to come to terms with what that meant. And then suddenly, she’s back. Her silly old self.

She’s my walking companion. I’ve resumed my walks and at sharp 5.30am, when i come down, i see wag wagging!! After the customary 5 biscuits in the morning, we start walking. She actually walks with me and after every round, sticks her juicy wet nose into the palm of my hand so that i can give her a little pat on her head to thank her for allowing me to walk! We adore each other.

In the mornings, we have a lot of conversations. I do most of the talking while wag listening like a good girl. I saw her with this not very nice dog the other day and we had a chat about stray men and how she really should keep her distance. They’re no good at all.

I love her and my mornings are more fun because of her.

Meet Fluffitu (aka fluff, fluffy, fluffit) – the other new doggie in my life

Fluffitu is new to the building. She looks like a mix between a dog and a fox. She’s got a lot of fluffy fur which some security man trims every other month and she looks like a clown when that’s done. We don’t know each other too well. But she’s fascinated by the bond between Wag and me. So while Wag walks with me, Fluffitu walks ahead of us, constantly turning back to hear my constant chatter to Wag.

Feel like she’s had a tough life too. Probably abandoned and lonely and now feels like she’d found home. Just wants to be understood and live without any kind of restrictions. Think she’s quite young.

Think we find each other very amusing and that’s what our relationship is centred around. I like her and want to get to know her better!!

Meet Crow Crow – the young crow that comes to our bedroom window between 11am and 2pm everyday and crows really funnily.

So Crow Crow is quite a character. We look forward to meeting him every Sunday afternoon when we’re home. I always burst out laughing whenever i hear him. He’s got a most unusual cawing. Its like his voice has not broken yet. We’ve known him now for over 6 months. M’s take on him is that he has a problem with his voice and is shunned by the other crows. We rarely see him with a friend. He comes for tuitions to our window where a very boring sounding crow sits with him and they practice. Its something that his parents have forced him to do and he, being a good boy, does it.

He does not seem to be making progress. We try to find ways to peek and see him without disturbing the lessons. Assumed he was a crow with a big head and a tiny body but he looks normal.

We enjoy afternoons with him. no matter what we may be engrossed in - a movie, a book or a nap - think have always started laughing suddenly when he says something absurd.

Will try to post pictures of them all once i take them!!

Think that they add a lot of silliness to my days and since its been especially hard at work, they help me unwind. Also, they don’t care about my life before and after them. We enjoy the time we have together and there are few expectations other than biscuits, licks and wags. If all relationships were that simple....