Ever...

Ever walked down a lane that you’ve known since you were born…
Ever stood under a tree that you’ve seen growing up with you…
Ever stared at a wall of pictures and felt like there lay in plain sight the outline of your life…
Ever felt that as that pair of hands made you put on an extra sweater, their very presence warmed you up alone…
Ever lay in a ray of sunshine, feeling like the happiest person in the world…
Ever held a doggie paw and felt that it was more human than a lot of humans…
Ever smelt the flower of a tree you’ve known for ages… and known it by its fragrance…
Ever had a gol gappa made by a stranger you’ve know all your life… and who you were connected to by a burst of flavors and a smile…
Ever walked into your favourite art gallery, recognizing the walls inspite of the changing art…
Ever felt that the sunshine in your home is so different from the sunshine in another place…
Ever lay close to the person you feel most connected to and feel the bond grow deeper…
Ever bit into food that took you a few decades back…
Ever heard music and felt yourself in it…
Ever felt your hands reach to touch the texture of a piece of furniture and in that touch you read not only of its life but also yours twined with it…

Ever felt that your identity lay in things / people / places that sometimes are hard to identify… how do you name them… how do you capture them in words when you barely grasp them in thought… and yet they must have a place… one that cannot be spoken off… only felt… and through that feeling, given life… if only within your mind…

Homes…

I’m home in delhi….!!!!!!!
This was the first time that I’ve been away from home for over 10 months…
it’s the first time I waited till the evening before I left to pack my bags…
it’s the first time that i had second thoughts about leaving my home…

for those who know me… that’s a big deal…
I think it’s a good thing… I seem to have settled to the extent that I’m content where I am… I love my little home… its beautiful to me…
While I sit here in my parents’ home and marvel at how much of me there is on the walls… in the words… the images… the voices… the footsteps… I feel they are an echo of my childhood… all that was me… the immense potential… the love… the care… the belief…
And my little home in Bombay… stands for all that I’m growin up to become… all that is me in all my follies… the mustard walls, are a symbol of the warmth I feel which is cozy and safe… its not just about me… its what I’ve chosen to become…

Its difficult to pick between such homes… and somewhere I keep telling myself that the beauty and the simplicity of the situation lies in the fact that I don’t need to choose… I’m not asked to… it’s a matter of living in them both… enjoying what they do for me…

Like floating on your back in a pool of warm water…can’t explain why it feels like that… it just does…may have something to do with the fact that its cold as hell here and that I’m contending with my doggie for every ray of sunshine that falls into the house… : ) bliss… both the dog and the sun…

colours...

He followed her without protesting.. into the swarming crowd… matching pace with her… smiling back as she turned to look at him again and again.. as if to check if he was still with her… she loved the feeling of knowing that he was just a couple of steps behind her… as the crowd eased, he came closer and she felt his hand rest on her shoulder… she loved this street… it was full of colour… the fruit and vegetable vendors merged with the garment and bangle sellers… and diwali time added a whole new spin to the madness… the lights, colours and smell of sweets mixed with the acrid smell of crackers and smoked filtered through her… giving her a high… they bought their diyas and their lantern… picked up flowers to adorn the front door… fruits for the pooja and she held his arm, happy to see him so happy… there was a carelessness about them that she felt and loved… just as she thought they were ready to leave, he turned to her…’no rangoli’… and she looked surprised that he looked so disappointed…’I can try if you help me.’… and before she knew it, he’d told the bhaiya to pack every colour… ‘every colour?? Are you sure??’ and he smiled with glee and in that second she felt she could reach out and hug him tight… and the mother with her daughter next to them, turned to her ‘I’ve never seen a man so excited about colours before…’
he’s a man that she’d taken too long to see in all his colours…