Defiance...

Sat in the gurudwara… in the middle of the song ‘aye malik tere bande hum’… and that death was such a part of life kept coming into my mind… that I was attending the prayer service of my very dear friend’s grandma was tough… especially cos he was not there… and all of a sudden it frightened me… all the people in white… all the heads covered and bowed in humility and respect… and I saw myself with my head covered in white like the others but held up high… in defiance… false defiance… who was I fooling… how would I ever stop death… how would I ever hold on to someone that was not meant to stay… I was just been stupid and yet that’s all I know how to be sometimes… that’s all I can do to remain sane and not crumble into a bundle of nerves… the belief that I have some control over my life… that I will not go down without a fight…